..::*a star in the dark a new day has dawned*::..|
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|Thursday, September 20th, 2007|
|Saturday, July 7th, 2007|
Why is it that we as human beings are never satisfied with life? We always strive for bigger and better things and yes its always good to strive for more but as the old saying goes, less is more. At one point in time in our lives, or more than once for some, we tend to step back and think whats become of my life? What am i doing? Whats going on? Why is it that we tend to think of life more when more is going on in or life?
So I was hired at McDonalds about a month or so ago and i was fired yesterday. Shows you how long I can keep a job. O well i guess. I put in an app at Zumiez and American Eagle last night when I went to the mall with Stephy, Andrea, and Nick when we went to see Evan Almighty (it was ok. wasnt as funny as i thought it was goin to be but it was cute). Its almost the middle of summer and Im $3 short of being broke. But Zumiez seemed peomising yesterday. I asked for an app and they asked me what hours i can work and everything and when i handed in my app the girl workin there looked it over and said shed put a big sticker on it and give me a call during the week.
I have to go to a funeral Monday .. my great aunt bea died
my mom called me when i was at Darien Lake and told me
These passed 2 years have sucked. yeah, there are parts when theyve been fun but somehow somewhere the fun ended. Everything changed after my grandpa died last year.slowly but surely, everything. He always encouraged me to do art and continue with it and after he died, i didnt want to do art anymore. and now that my great aunt is gone im not sure how to deal with that. we all have problems yes but can someone please explain to me why one friend cant reach out to another in a time of need anymore. why is it that we change and relieze how our own life is when someone else close to us is gone? i feel like Ive lost everyone since comming back home. Have I really missed that much since leaving? why cant we all talk like we used to? im going for now i have a grad party to go to tommorrow and a funeral monday. im here til Aug 24 cuz school starts the 29th why is that when you need someone to talk to the most, you have noone. hell, i cant even talk to myself anymore. i mean i can but theres only so long you can listen to yourself. so can we all please just be the people that i know that we are and just talk to eachother in person about what we wanna say. i mean yea livejournal and mysapace and all that are great to let other people know what your thinking but when your around the people just say whats on your mind say whats inside. please theres so much drama arent we tired of it yet?
Went to Daren Lake with some friends on June 30th. Everybody hated it. Besides all the drama that happened, i thought it was fun. It sucked when Mickey left he had to leave at 4 to go to Wisconson with his dad and it sucked when Steph left too but I wantted her to get better. I think theres something more going on but she doesnt tell me. I wanna help her with whatever shes going through but i feel like nobody ever tells me whats going on with them anymore. I know that all of us have changed cuz of where we are at in our lives but honestly ... have i done something that offened everybody around me? If i did will someone please tell me. Ever since I got home things have been different. It may not be right there but you can feel it. Im so sick of everybody being pissed off at eachother. Were not in high school anymore, were all friends here, can we talk about it? I remember in high school and when we were younger how we all swore we'd be best friends and someday get out of this town and for the mean time we'd rock it and we always will. Just cuz Ive moved doesnt mean we wont ever be around eachother anymore or that my love for you has changed becasue it hasnt and it never will. If anything, it will grow with the years. And I know that both of you are problly pissed about Andrew comming and I had no intention of bring him but you have to understand where Im comming from. I was put in a very ackward postion from his mom who told me the night before that if Andrew didnt stay at my house then him and Benjamin couldnt come and I couldnt just have Benjamin not come when hes been excited and planned on comming for months. These are supposed to be the best years of our lives, do we really wanna spend it this way? So can we all stop running in circles around eachother and tell eachother whats really going on? We all miss how things used to be but what about what things can be. I just want my best friends back i love you ...
" All because of you
I havent slept in so long
When i do i dream
Of drowning in the ocean
Longing for the shore
Where i can lay my head down
I'll follow your voice
All you have to do
Is shout it out
All because of you
I believe in angels
Not the kind with wings
No not the kind with halos
The kind that bring you hope
When home becomes a strange place
I'll follow your voice
All you have to do
Is shout it out " Current Mood: a million emotions in one
|Thursday, May 17th, 2007|
sorry i havent updated in forever. my car was stolen and my laptop was in it and theres only so long you can be on these school computers before you have to get up and do something else. i have my last final today at 2:30 for art history i better go study and stop procrastinating love you all and miss all of you as corny as it sounds it feels good to be back in watertown with my friends again i mean, yea, of course i miss my friends from college/auburn cuz they really grown on me but for the time being it feels good to be surrounded by old friends =]
|Monday, April 2nd, 2007|
Soooo i saw zach again today. i saw him after my first class. i was waiting for jo anne and he came up to me and hes like whats goin on man im like nothing whats goin on dude. and his friends walk out and dre goes up to him and goes omg you cute your hair it looks so cute and right when she says cute zach and me look at eachother lock eyes smile and look down. it felt like forever i was looking at him. i could look at him for forever more. he makes me happy. he makes me laugh and smile and happy and i feel good everytime i see him and when im around him its like everythings right and ok with the world and everything. but, i can only dream of a time when i could be with him.
o, then in life drawing, he comes walking in with a laptop, says hi to some kid in my class and the teacher yelled at him cuz she was talking when he was saying hi to somebody. hes like o sorry. he was almost like right behind i was like wooooo zach wered you come from? lol you crazy kid you. not that i mind that he close to me or anything lol he makes my heart beat faster
|Sunday, April 1st, 2007|
|....... part zwei
So Ive come to the conclusion that Im problly just overracting about the whole situation. It just sucks when you really like somebody but they have a girlfriend and dont like you as much back. o well i guess. ill just take it day by day see how things go. My mom gave me the best adive advice shes ever givin me in 19 years .. always guard your heart. awsome timeing mom lol. I guess I just was wearing my heart on my sleeve like i always do and hoped that there would be something more there. o well i guess. I wish i had more to say. a catching phrase. a deep quote. but i dont have much. o well..i guess. Current Mood: rejected, blank, really calm
|Saturday, March 31st, 2007|
((few week old news btu still frustrating: So I freaken hate school with a passion. Im so sick of failing. My mom calls to tell me that I fave 2 Ds and an F and Im failing the classes that I need the most. Im not satisfied with where Im at in life. I like to think i am but i dont think i am.))
I dont understand people sometimes. Im waiting by watching the screens in the office at lattimore hall to see if your comming. But your not and i know your not for the party. you deleted the party comments i left on your myspace. why? because of her? Youve showed up a few times but for different reasons and different people. Is there something wrong with me? I know im not as pretty as other girls and i know that thats fine i dont really give 2 shits cuz im fine jsut the way i am but i dont get it. am i just reading to deep into this? and i feeling something there thats just going to be ignored? do i just care too much? yes, you have a girlfriend but i can do what she can do so much better. We both love zombie movies, the same music, to skate, and so much more and i love that were friends and all. I understnad that you cant just break up with her and i dont expect you to at all but youve left me here to be brokenhearted. It kills me to see you with her. All the lovely i love you messages on eachothers myspace and shit. am i just jelous? i envy her. you make me happy and thats problly why i care so much. i feel sad, lonely and broken hearted and its because of my own stupidity. Maybe i read to much into the flirts you sent me like those myspace comments that say sarah you crazy kid you or the day you were walking and talking with a couple of your friends and you raised youre hand, smiled, waved and yelled hi sarah or everytime you look at me in the hall you notice me. actually look at me and notice me. im sorry ive problly said more than i should and id never push you into anything or ever make you feel uncortable. i only want to see you happy. ill never be able to tell you all of this..the things ill never say to you zach. i guess i just feel deep. seems like i tend to do that more and more everytime and i dont understand. i keep thinking about it and i dont know why. i know i dont know much but i know that i can love and care for you more.
Am i so bad at relashionships because of when my dad left and i never saw him and because im not that close with him? I envy the ones who are in love and have love. I mean i can live with out a guy, sweety, ive done it for 19 years and im doing just fine but sometimes those lonley nights can really get to you. but ill just sit by. no worries because the greatest thing you can ever learn is to love and be loved in return.
|Monday, February 19th, 2007|
im board with life
sick of the drama
thats always going on
i thought we were all out of that phase?
guess thats what i get for thinkin
sick of it all
thats what i say
|Sunday, February 11th, 2007|
So, Im fastly realizing that I need a life. I need some excitement in life besides this lame ass ruteen thats been constantly playing out each and everyday. Wake up. Go to Class. Come home. Nap. Wake Up. Eat/Watch TV. Homework. Watch more TV. Sleep. Repeat the next day. and the day after that. and the day after that .. and the cycle never ends. Yes, I know ive realized it and have said it a million times before vut I want to actually do something about it. Im hopeing to get a job soon. Ive applied for PacSun and possibly Bed Bath and Beyond and maybe a couple other places. Maybe that will break my cycle or will it jsut add to it. I want to join a dance studio. Yes, my fat ass has always wantted to learn how to dance. Weither it be ballet or hip hop. I want to swim again. I miss being in the water. But in the end, it all comes back to money. I havent been to a party in forever it seems but I mean I know that college or anything is all about partying. Is it my fault that I dont put myself in those types of situations? I go through peoples pictures on facebook or see pictures on there myspace and see how happy they are and just how much fun there having and i cant help but think and wish that i was having that much fun or why am i not out there having fun. I mean im happy here but then Im not. I miss my friends back in watertown/adams/mannsville. all except andrew. I hate that Im not there with you to create memories and go on trips, even if its to the mall or to the zoo or the playground to create memories. I mean Ive meet so many awsome people here at Lattimore and Auburn but I dont know. I dont know maybe its just a phase .. im not sure. Current Mood: contemplative
|Thursday, February 8th, 2007|
So latly Ive been really annoyed. I feel like Im being taken advanged of and i hate it. I always give everybody rides and they never give me gas money ro even a simple thank you. I took my roomate Deedee aka Mama D to her sisters basketball game at Auburn High School and I thought why not get out for a bit. So we went and she barley even talked to me while we were there, only when we got something to eat and to tell me something but even then she was either on her cell phone or talking to somebody else. It upset me but i figured well maybe she hasnt seen them in a awhile so whatever i mean we live together so it seems were always talking to eachother. So then we leave and we get freakin lost. Somehow we end up in Onodaga county because mama d thought itd be a great idea if we went straight becasue thats pratcially the way we went but little did she know we took a few turns and she was on her cell the whole time. So we end up Onodaga County then find a sign to Skinaleas and find our way back from there. Took forever to get back. Then, when we got back she gets on her phone and just goes in her room. Doesnt even say thanks for taken me or thanks for comming with me. Do I expect too much people? And Jo Anne, shes drivin me up a freakin wall latly.. asks me one day to go pick her up cuz she doesnt want to wait a half hour for the bus. I dont know maybe a vacation would do some good. Get out for a bit. Maybe I should just drop college and become a starving artist. Then cut my ear off and sell it and my organs on the black market for art supplies. ha what a life that would be. I know imk too nice and i hate it. sometimes. I mean, is it really THAT hard to help out take care of a guina pig? It would be soo nice if for once just for once she would clean Gizs cage out or help offer to buy Giz food or something. Yea, I know its not that expensive but its just the point of the thing. She only really pays attention to Giz when somebody new comes so then she can show Giz off to them. Yea, she bought Giz but Im the one taking care of her. Sometimes Jo Anne askes if i need help but I just shrug it off and say no because why start now? As much as it is aganist my mom idea right now, once i get a job hopefully working nights, will get me out so that it wont feel like were always on top of eachother all the time. I dont know I really honestly dont know what to do. I guess theres some party that this guy that Jo Anne works with is having and she wants me to go. She told me the other night repeatedly that when we go she wants to get me trasted to see what I look like and told her im like no im not going to get trashed at somebodys house that I dont know excesally if im driving then im not gunna drink and shes like then ill drive back and im like yea no nobody drives tempy but me. and she jsut kept saying a few more times i wanna get you trashed and shed chuckle as shes saying this and in all seriousness i was like no im not going to get trashed at somebodys house i dont even know im much more of a responsible drinker. I dont think im gunna go though. Just not up to it these days. Its funny, you think college students would want to always go to parties when ive found out that are some who would rather just hang out. crazy. well, i better go. got a early class. o well i guess. Im hopin to go to the Y for a bit saturday..go for a swim. I miss being in the water. i miss you stephy and andrea.
<3 <3 <3
i dont know what i want to do with my life. i need help...poll:what can you see me doing?
- art director
- graphic design (maybe someday andrea and me could have our own business)
- art thereapist
its hard because ive been really getting into fashion latly but i have no sense of style and i love kids and i want to help them but then again working in a fashion magizine in NYC doesnt sound to bad either. hmmmm
my roomate jo anne swears that i belong in an iPod commercial Current Mood: and tired, somewhat sad
|Friday, February 2nd, 2007|
Why is it when you get close to someone, have to leave, and then ocme back so excited to see them and hang out with them and they leave? Crush Pat is gone and I dont know if Ill ever see him again. He says he's goin to come back and visit when the weather gets warmer but its easier said then done. whatever I guess. I guess I just didnt relieze how much I cared about him until he left.
Im so pissed...freakin snow. I wanna go to the Billy Talent, Rise Against, and Anti Flag concert so bad with Andrea and its not lookin good. Its suppose to be lake effect snow all weekend. I hate you right now snow.
So there was this party tonight on the 1st floor at Latty and a few fights broke out. The cops were called and everything. Jo Anne told me what happened because shes an RA. I knew I shouldve went down there to check it out and help the RD break up the fights because Jo Anne cant because shes too tiny. I knew I shouldve and Ill always beat myself up about that I never went down. Damn it, i dont know maybe im just jelous but why couldnt they have made me RA? Im just as good as Jo Anne is. Yea, I know im quite but I knew people here and Im breaking out of that quite shyness shit. Whatever I guess. Hopefully next semister Ill get it. Current Mood: pissed off
|Sunday, January 28th, 2007|
Feb 3 - Ottawa, ON Current Mood: excited
|Thursday, January 11th, 2007|
Never again will I wear my heart on my sleeve .. but thats what i do best isnt it?
Never again will I love someone as much as i do my friends ... does that even make sense?
Never again will I let you treat me like shit ... do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Never again will I take grantened for what the human body is capable of and how one thing can ...
I dont know. Im just random. Its 4 in the morning and i cant sleep. I think i ran out of dreams. But how obsurd to think that you could ever simpley "run out" of dreams. Felt liek I havent sleeped in weeks. They say that you feel different, more older with each year and on your birthday....i dont feel any differnt. Im 19 and though i do have alot to show for it, hell, i graduated form high school i never thought id make it that far, i feel like i have nothing to show for it. But, optimistically, if it wasnt for my friends i wouldnt be here now. thank you you know who you are <3
Whats wrong with me? Am i really just one-of-the-guys? Yea, I went on crush Pats myspace and come to find out hes with somebody. Nothing like getting your hopes up, huh. I feel stupid now. All those times I dressed up, made myself up..wore black cuz i knew it was his favorite color, make him sugar cookies cuz i know that those are his favorite, just stupid little things like that. whatever i guess. I dont need a guy. Ive been fine since 1988 and plan to keep doing so. I guess i just feel really heartbroken. I really liked him and i thought that maybe he liked me too. I guess thats what I get for thinking.
I have a cycts on one of my ovaries. Ive been having really irregular (as emabarasssing as it is to talk about haha) periods. Id go 4 - 6 months without one then go almost 2 months with one. So i went and saw a gynocologyist a couple weeks ago. They did an ultrasound and all that and on the ultrasound they said that one of my overies is bigger than the other one. Later, the doctor comes in and tells me that i have a cycts on one of my overies. So now, i have to go on a diet and exercise. Im more than likey going to be put on birth control and later on fertility drugs so in the long run i can have kids because even if i tried now i wouldnt be able to have a baby but the risk with fertility drugs is multiply births but hey ive always wantted twins heh. And they also told me that they noticed with hte ultrasound that even though i jsut got through with having done my peroid im suppose to have another one because the linning on the wall of my cervices is still thick so they gave me this medicine that i had to take for a week or so to force me have a period so that i can then regulate my period. Yea, i hate it. Ive been sick ever since ive taken it. Ive done nothing but fight with Andrew and wished that Mickey would stop touching me. I mean yea, Im an affectionate person but he does it constantly. i need my space. He constantly puts his arm around me or will touch my stomach or leg and im like whaooooo no touchy no touchy cuz he likes me and i dont like him like that and he doesnt get the hint. But with this whole cyst thing, the doctor said that it had nothing to do with lack of exerise or my lifestyle or anything like that its just what I got dealt. Somehow, somwhere, encoded in my genes i was suppose to have it. O and there testing me for Diabeties because I guess it runs with the cycts and I have to go see an endocrinologist for more testing to make sure that I dont get ovarian cancer or anything.
Well, Im gunna try to sleep. Ill write more laterrr
sorry this was nothing but a rant and a ravee Current Mood: heartbroken
|Wednesday, December 13th, 2006|
So tonite is my last night here at Lattimore Hall. Im sad. Im really sad. Lattimore Hall/Auburn has become my new home. Yea, I miss all my friends back home so much but I've met soo many awsome people here that will last a lifetime. Remember this semister is deffinitly crazy. Ive been happy, depressed, sad, angry, had so much fun, .... feel in love. I get a month off from school. Im comming back January 20something I think for my 2nd semister which I have a feeling will be so much better and alot more funner. The fun has just begun with this semister and will continue on next semister. Im gunna miss everybody so much here. Except for a select few they just kinda annoy/creep me out but other than that, ima miss like crazy. But hopefully while Im home I can get a job and save soem money so im finaccially ok here. But Ill admit, im excited to get back to watertown to see my dog and friends and see if anythings changed. That month will fly by so fast. I miss Pat =-(. Pat and jo-anne were talking before he left and she told him that we'd really miss him and he asked if i would too and he had a huge grin on his face she said. =-D soo happpy. that made my day when she told me that.
It looks like a bomb went off in my room. lol. I packed EVERYTHING. I started packing some things in Tempy but no fully packed yet. Ill problly back more after my Art History final. O.M.G. Finals hardcore. I had 2 monday, 1 yesterday and 1 at 10 am today. But i never expected college to be easy. Its deffinitly better than high school Ill give it that but if your in high school, enjoy the time you have there cuz trust me once you leave, youll miss it. no matter how much you say you hate it and want to leave.
Its almost Christmas!! About 2 weeks. What does everyone want? Cuz I have no clue what to get people. I got something for my mom, neighbor Karen, and Andrea. I need to find something for Stephy and some other people. yeaaa. love and miss you all.
|Saturday, December 9th, 2006|
|Thursday, December 7th, 2006|
|so theres this boy ...
..its always about a boy it seems...anyways...so theres this guy i like here. his name is Pat. Hes one of the coolest, nicest, sweetest guys Ive ever met here. He lives here at Lattimore Hall across the way. Ive got a crush on him and today just went one step in the Pat and Sarah getting to know eachother relashionship....
I was in the lounge with Kimber after we just had 2D. As I walked in, I saw Pat and he looked up at me, smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. Emo Tom came and asked me if i drove to school today. I said "yea" and hes like "can you give me a ride back home?". I said "Yea" and hes like "Awsome Shotgun!". I went over to Pat and taped his foot and asked him if he wantted a ride home. He said yea and I waited for him and Tom to come. We walked out togehter. Pat was on the phone and Tom and me started talking about some girl that was comming over to make him dinner or something. Then, Tom got asking me if he could borrow the car. Hed fill it up for me and everything, I just told him that he was crazy. We got to the car and I unlocked the door and everything, moved my all my stuff aside cuz pat sat behind the passangers seat so i moved my bag and stuff that was there and his bag was on top of my messanger bag (hehe). So we got all situated in the car and once we got in the car and started going, pat was like i gotta go ill talk to you later and then he was the curious little kid ive ever seen. He was looking around and he brought out the green unbrella that I got at 99 cent city and he opened it and hes like saving this for a rainy day and im like yea lol and then he closed it and everything and he started feeling the side of the passangers seat and hes like this is an old car isnt it and im like yea its a 92 and him and Tom are like i like the interior its so cooool lol im like thanks lol (before when they got in the car tom was like can i have a piece of gum cuz he saw the gum that i had on the dashboard and i was like yea sure and i looked at pat and i was like hey pat do you wanna piece of gum and hes like you know, i might have to take you up on that (hehe) but Tom noticed my Panic! At The Disco cd and hes like "hey do you have cd player in here?" im like "yea its right here" and hes like "o Panic!" and he grabs the cd and puts it in and within afew seconds the battery died and hes like do you have any batters im like yea i have some somewhere i think theres some in the glovebox so he looks in there and finds one and puts it in and him and Pat are sitting there singing Panic at the disco and the cd player made the cd skip and i heard pat sign and he doesnt have that bad of a vocie i must say hehe so the rest of the way home they sang panic and tom danced to it and i look in my review mirror alot im not sure why i just do and i could see pat in my review mirror and everytime i looked back i would just look at pat and smile and whenver i looked back hed look at me and smile. so then we parked at lattimore and got out and all that and as we were getting out pats like im so excited im going home friday then he looks at me and is like when are you going home and im like the 16th and hes like the 16th im like yea jo anne wantted me to stay cuz shes crazy and were doing a christmas thing and he leans into me and hes like is she really crazy, im like no i was jsut kidding lol and we said hi to the maintance man as we got closer to the door and at this point i have no clue where tom is but it didnt matter cuz when pat and me talked it felt like it was just me and him and i could just sit there and talk to him for hours about anything and as we went in i swiped the card key and hes like man you got everything dont you im like heh yea i try lol and then we both said hi to Shelia and she was talking to me about seeing her tommorrow about the RA thing and i was like ok shelia and when i was talking to her Pat held the elevater for me and she was still talkin to me when im in the elevator so im half in the rlvator half outside it and pats right behind me holding the elevtor. In comes Tom. I was gunna lock him out but pats like we gotta get the door for him lol but then out of nowhere tom comes out from behind me and is like Shelia when can we have our pizza party cuz we won the hall decorating contest and shes like i dont care whenever you want to and toms like lets do it tommorrow so everybody looks at pat and me and we look at eachother and were like ok sure and shes like what do you guys want to drink (by this point the elvator alarm is going off cuz weve held the door open for so long) and pats like beer and as the door closes toms like pepsi! mt dew! pepsi! and the whole way up pat and me would look at eachother and then we went into our rooms and the while in the car pats like thanks for the ride and im like o anytime Pat and hes like thanks for the pizza it was really good (i made pizza the other night one of those chef boyrdee boxed ones where you make the dough and all that and it was a chesse one and i thought after i made it you know why not take a couple pieces over to pat and i got nervous so mama d came with me and shes like hey pat we made a pizza and we wantted you to have some and hes like is there any meat on it and were like nope just chesse (cuz pats a vegatarean) and i was kinda off to the side so i didnt think he noticed i was there but i guess he did)
and im sooo excited i found out his favorite cookies are sugar cookies so im gunna make him some either friday or sat and give em to him when i see him cuz jo anne and me go hang out with him whenever hes on duty cuz hes an RA lol I feel like such a preteen. I have a boygirl crush. =-) but i dont care, i havent felt this happy in a long time and besides, he makes my heart beat faster
(( i miss you andrea and stephy )) Current Mood: happy
|Wednesday, December 6th, 2006|
...Just pick something to fill in after "Seven Things That Attract Me to…"
Seven Things To Do Before I Die
2. Pay my mom back for everything shes ever done for me
3. Walk through a drive thru
4. See the world
5. Learn To Surf
6. ill get back to you on that
7. ask me later
Seven Things I Cannot Do
1. Mental math
2. Drive without music
3. Be on time
4. Decide what I wanna be when I grow up
5. Be outgoing
6. Be semi assertive
7. be you
Seven Things That Attract Me to…
um....Oh fuck it, I got nothin'
WAit, can you explain this one?
Seven Things I Say
4. I miss you
6. Thats not cool
7. =-0 or =-)
Seven Books That I Love
2. How The Grinch Stole Christmas
3. Where The Wild Things Are
5. The Vampire Armand
6. I Was So Mad
7. Rainbow Boys
Seven Movies That I’ve Loved (at different times and in no particular order)
1. SLC Punk
2. Rocky Horror Picture Show
4. Star Wars trilogy
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
Seven People To Tag (in no particular order)
Pffft....Like I'm letting you guys off that easily. I tag you all. Hah.
|Wednesday, November 8th, 2006|
|i am cut
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore
A fragile frame aged
And when our hearts meet
I know you see
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside
I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
I am not alone
I am not alone
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore
But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut
|Tuesday, November 7th, 2006|
List five songs that you currently love. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other Livejournal friends to see what they're listening to.
01. Queen of Apology - The Sounds
02. When You Were Young - The Killers
03. Cut - Plumb
04. Love Like Winter - AFI
05. Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
06. The Distillers
07. I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
08. What Sarah Said - Death Cab For Cutie
tagged by iamadamlover
xmissstephyx Current Mood: tired
|Thursday, November 2nd, 2006|
happy all souls day
|Tuesday, October 31st, 2006|
|Thursday, October 26th, 2006|
Its almost Halloween!!! Yayay I love Halloween. So muchhh fun. This year for Halloween Im Elvira. I'll post pics soon soon. Today was ok. Yesterday, my English prfessor pulled me aside and told me that I have to hand in my 2 almost finished essays soon or Im going to fail english. Im hopeing so much that they didnt send anything out telling me that Im failing anything cuz if they do it goes straight to my house in Watertown and my mom would read it and yea it wouldnt be pretty. And I guess somehow Ive missed 5 days when really its been 3. I was late once cuz of Gym and i felt really sick so i didnt go to class. If you miss so many days you automatically fail and get kicked out of that class. O well I guess. Other than that, school has been going ok. Im not gunna sit here and bitch about how much i hate my classes or how much i cant stand it because to be honest, i like my classes. I get to work with the cutest bunch of little kids (besides Evelynn. Shes the cutest baby Ive ever seen. Her and my step nefew Jaren), my Psycology professor is pretty cool cuz he actually tries to make things interesting, i have the funnest group with me in 2D, art history is exciting with Mel and Kimber, Math, eh, what can i say its Math but my professors pretty cool, and english, my professor makes some good points in that class. But I'll be honest, as much as I bitched to get out of high school sometimes i miss it. Not so much the drama or hicks, but the group of friends i hung out with that were there for me all through high school, and laying in the front lawn our senior year thinking about what our lives will be like, talking of our hopes and dreams and making promises to always stay in touch. To all of you, I dont know how I could ever thank you enough for always being there for me. I love you all.
But out of everybody in the whole world, I miss Stephy and Andrea so much and all I have to show for it is this lame blog entry. I hope you guys had fun at the Halloween party. Im so sorry I kept leaving. I didnt mean to. i feel terriable about it. I just wantted to let you both know how much you mean to me. I love you and always will. Not even death could seperate us and that bond that we have. But I will admit that I worry about you both. Whether you depressed, sad, mad, or anything like that and I hate that Im not there to make you happy. Im sorry that I never call and Im sorry that I cant be there to make memories and help pass out Halloween candy and i know im not very realable and that i never follow through on anything but Id go through hell and beyond for you. Its funny cuz every little thing reminds me of you. From the Dane Cook jokes to what someone could say or even a song on the radio reminds or everytime i go to the Carosel Mall or even when I drive through the 'cuse me of you. Its amazing how people effect you and the love that you could have for someone whether it be brother, sister, niece, nefew, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friends, they love you and you love them and knowing that can make you feel so complete and whole inside no matter how broken you are. I love you guys and I miss you so much.
"If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark "
|Wednesday, September 27th, 2006|
|Wednesday, September 20th, 2006|
Ive been depressed latly. I miss Steph and Andrea. I envy Jo-Anne and what she has with Chris. I would kill to have a cute boy in my bed with me. But I dont need a boyfriend to live or anything like that. Just lonely i guess. Its funny, you could be in a room full of people and still feel lonly. ill type more later im getting tired ... Current Mood: and lonely
|Wednesday, August 30th, 2006|
Tonight was so much fun. After I came back from class, i just sat in my room with the door closed. Jo Ann came over and knocked on my door. She told me that its not heathy to jujst stay in my room. It made sense so we went out and got pizza then we went to the Fingerlakes Mall. They didnt have a Hot Topic so we drove to Syracuse and went to the Carsal Mall. It was so much fun we went around there. Jo Ann got a cute outfit and I got plugs and an anchor tank top at Hot Topic. Then we went to Spencers and got a couple of things. Then we got lsot comming home. Somehow we got lost then found our way back on to were we were suppose to be. It was really cool, I really got a chance to get to know her. Shes such a cool person. She invited me to hang out with her and friends at a party there throwing this weekend but im suppose to go home. i wanna go home tro see stephy and andrea and everybody but then i wanna stay here as bad as it sounds. Today was my first day of classes. Ill tell you about em later im tired and wanna sleep. miss and love all of you. Current Mood: tired